Not officially. I've more or less fallen into them. The most official unofficial agreement I have is my roommate and I tend to help each other keep those alleged monsters at bay.
[ That adds a whole level of complication, doesn't it? ]
You'd be surprised what people here find shameful. That wouldn't be it.
[ Which doesn't help with Alicent's shame. ]
Sometimes, you need to do shameful things to survive. You either transform into a monster and risk something far greater, or you ask someone to help you keep control. Both come with risks. Sleeping with someone else and forming a connection doesn't mean you love your partner any less.
[ Who is she and what has happened to pessimistic Zoya? ]
[ if only it was a matter of love alone and not everything she's built for herself and her children. her truths. her life. ]
It would mean abandoning everything I stand for. Even if my husband would understand the situation I'm in, I don't know if I could forgive myself. A wife's duty... What survives if I cast aside my beliefs?
A woman is usually called a harlot because someone out there's pissed she's doing something they wish they had the guts to do. Men call us that because they wish they could own us.
Your duty is to yourself. What survives when you challenge some of your beliefs is still you.
[ Cast aside, challenge—isn't it all the same? It's shedding skin like a serpent.
But that may not help matters. Genya would say a slip of vulnerability is often the perfect balm. ]
[ And it's so hard for her to admit. Zoya likes to appear as though she has everything under control. She doesn't struggle. She embodies everything perfectly, except vulnerability.
She'd gotten so far at home to only be thrown here, and have all that work almost thrown in her face. ]
I have a country to return to, friends who need me. I don't belong here any more than you do.
[ Zoya doesn't want to stay. ]
But for me to get home, I have to ensure I don't lose focus. Accepting the sexual culture here is the least of my worries.
It wouldn't be taken from me. It would be I who made it possible. But I see no other way past it.
[ politely grateful for everything but let's not get carried away. if she betrays her husband and her kingdom – how is she any better than Rhaenyra who bore bastards like she had nothing better to do? ]
I hope this conversation hasn't soured your evening.
We won a war we've been fighting for so long, but it still doesn't feel like it's ended. It's a place where most are welcome, although it has its ridiculous prejudices and cruelty, as any country does. But it does not burn those who are different at the stake. It finally had a ruler who ruled with his heart rather than greed, although I feel Ravka doesn't deserve him. It's not ready for someone like that.
But it's a country that wants to change and grow, and it is, slowly. Change is as difficult as learning how to fly, especially when hundreds of people need to learn.
It's better than this. People have their own lives. While they bow to the crown, they exist beyond that.
[ Would Ravka defend her as violently and passionately as the Rubeans did the Duchess? Zoya both hopes for that and doesn't hope for that. A ruler should be more than their ego.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Have you made agreements with anyone? To keep the transformation at bay?
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Have you?
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But I was wondering whether I should.
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But sometimes, these things simply happen. I met someone in the fields, and we ended up
[ Alicent doesn't seem like the type who would appreciate the word "fucking" so— ]
being very intimate.
If there's someone you trust, then I think there's no shame in asking them if they'd like to help you. It can be a lot of fun.
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It's early days to trust anyone. I mean no offense, but even you are mostly a stranger to me, still.
[ even though she just learned that apparently Zoya fucked in the fields. ]
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Doesn't everyone start as a stranger?
If you never reveal anything about yourself to someone you don't know, how will you ever expect to know them?
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[ it's absolutely the issue. she can't trust anyone. ]
I'm a married woman, Zoya. There would be shame in what I would ask.
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You'd be surprised what people here find shameful. That wouldn't be it.
[ Which doesn't help with Alicent's shame. ]
Sometimes, you need to do shameful things to survive. You either transform into a monster and risk something far greater, or you ask someone to help you keep control. Both come with risks. Sleeping with someone else and forming a connection doesn't mean you love your partner any less.
[ Who is she and what has happened to pessimistic Zoya? ]
cw: slutshaming
It would mean abandoning everything I stand for. Even if my husband would understand the situation I'm in, I don't know if I could forgive myself. A wife's duty... What survives if I cast aside my beliefs?
I would be no better than a harlot.
cw: slutshaming
Your duty is to yourself. What survives when you challenge some of your beliefs is still you.
[ Cast aside, challenge—isn't it all the same? It's shedding skin like a serpent.
But that may not help matters. Genya would say a slip of vulnerability is often the perfect balm. ]
You're not alone in struggling.
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[ agree to disagree. sorry but Westeros never saw even the first wave of feminism. bless you for trying though, Zoya. ]
Have you struggled?
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[ And it's so hard for her to admit. Zoya likes to appear as though she has everything under control. She doesn't struggle. She embodies everything perfectly, except vulnerability.
She'd gotten so far at home to only be thrown here, and have all that work almost thrown in her face. ]
I have a country to return to, friends who need me. I don't belong here any more than you do.
[ Zoya doesn't want to stay. ]
But for me to get home, I have to ensure I don't lose focus. Accepting the sexual culture here is the least of my worries.
[ (She also likes sex. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) ]
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I appreciate you confiding in me.
It makes sense, looking at things from that point of view. Returning home is more important.
I must find a way to live with it, even if doing so may destroy my worth as a queen.
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[ Take it from her! She was appointed Queen with those around her elevating her worth in their full acceptance of her. ]
You only lose worth if you let someone take it from you. You strike me as a woman who won't let anyone take anything from her. So don't.
[ Fuck them!! ]
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[ politely grateful for everything but let's not get carried away. if she betrays her husband and her kingdom – how is she any better than Rhaenyra who bore bastards like she had nothing better to do? ]
I hope this conversation hasn't soured your evening.
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I hope it's made you feel better. Sometimes, it's comforting to know you're not the only woman with a country to think about.
You're no use to them if you allow yourself to become a monster.
[ Zoya doesn't say "person". Men have privileges they aren't afforded. ]
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Tell me about your country, please. I'd like to hear it.
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Ravka is healing.
We won a war we've been fighting for so long, but it still doesn't feel like it's ended. It's a place where most are welcome, although it has its ridiculous prejudices and cruelty, as any country does. But it does not burn those who are different at the stake. It finally had a ruler who ruled with his heart rather than greed, although I feel Ravka doesn't deserve him. It's not ready for someone like that.
But it's a country that wants to change and grow, and it is, slowly. Change is as difficult as learning how to fly, especially when hundreds of people need to learn.
It's better than this. People have their own lives. While they bow to the crown, they exist beyond that.
[ Would Ravka defend her as violently and passionately as the Rubeans did the Duchess? Zoya both hopes for that and doesn't hope for that. A ruler should be more than their ego.
With amusement: ]
That was probably very boring.